Friday, May 23, 2008

Things Change

Just so you know reader
I don't write in any rhythm
It may be hard to read sometimes
I don't believe in grammar either.


***So I didn't think it would come back to this, but it has.
How many times are we gonna do this?
How long is this going to go on?
I have nothing left to say

I thought that this would fix this, bit it hasn't
Its in my past unlike other things.
We have the same problem and you don't even know it****

...I must say its weird living in tampa again with out david, courtney, and Ashley.  Very weird.  When i was working full time at fossil and going to school full time,  that exhuasted me.  I had my friends at fossil but i saw them all day, so when out of work i invested all my time into my roommates.  We were like family.  They were my rock.  My friends from fossil would invite me to go out to clubs and stuff and i would just say no.  For one i wanted to focus my time on best friends.  Second i didn't drive. I hate being a burden.  I dont want someone to have to plan their night around me.  It got to the point that they stop inviting me out.  Thats it, they stop calling me.

When i moved to london, my best friends as well moved out of tampa.  So when i came back to tampa they were all gone.  The friends that i didn't try to make things work with became pretty much distant.  I dunno if we are even friends any more.  I don't talk to them and i don't know anything about them.  Its wierd how that worked.

When with my ex the reason we broke up was because i didn't drive and my friends.  Now i do drive and i have no friends ha and hes not around.  Not that i want to be back with him, i think us would never work out no matter how attached we were to eachother.

I just find it almost surreal that my life went from insane drama filled to really empty almost.  I wont go that far.  Its just a very different vibe than what it was before.

I hang out with my roommate but she has a boyfriend and is very attached to him.  Living in tampa and london me and my roommates were like family.  I mean me and stacey hang out and talk but its not like im used to.  I expect a lot from roommates.  I know most people don't.  But my roommates both in tampa and london were my best friends.

I am glad i have made my internet friends too and i have gotten a little bit closer to some of them.  But when it comes down to i really dont know that much about any of them.  I hope i grow closer especially the other fiveawesomegays haha.

I miss going to out dinners all the time most of all
I miss just hanging out and venting
I miss getting drunk with my close friends and singing out favorite songs

I suck at keeping touch. I almost feel like there is no one i can talk talk to about things.  Besides a certain of course.  but even then its weird because we don't talk on a day to day basis.  I know thats my fault.

Other things make it difficult too certain subjects constantly in play.


ok sorry im done


I'll try to really blog
i blog better when im sad hahaha

im not re reading this sry for typos

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

I think I am lazy

No seriously
I used to work full time and go to school full time so i never had a day off.  Now i am back in tampa and i almost refuse to look for a job.  I know i need one, but i don't want one! Can't i just live off of financial aid?  I am a good budgeter i can make it work.  Its 5pm and i am suppose to go school to work on my trend board.  I have to do a trend board for a classic style (you know little black dress etc something of that nature) kind of a oxymoron huh? trend and classic. I have no ideas in what to do though. 
Oh well

I have to get in the mode of doing these! I want to do it!

Sunday, April 20, 2008

This is the begining

So I always try to start blogs and quickly give up.  But this time I really want to do it.  I have a blog on myspace, but it doesn't feel like a blog to me.  I have a youtube but I don't vlog.  I guess I don't understand why people would just want to watch me talk about my life.  I don't think they would.  I guess I could say the same thing about this.  Why would people want to read about my life?  Well... because I know people won't read this.


Anyway I will have a real post later!

byieee